One last thing......

Today is the last day of the year...and the last day that I will be specifically focusing on my word, humility as I move on to a new word for the new year, This isn't the first time I have chosen this word to focus on for a whole year, I chose it in 2010. I've read a lot about humility and learned a lot about it but i still feel like I did when I started: an inchworm on the one yard line inching down the football field with 99 yards to go.  Humility is a trait that I'll always be trying to live into...it is not that easy to accomplish and say "Ok, I've got that one under my belt, time to move on." Once you think you've become humble is the exact moment you are not.

Because I'm a 2 on the Enneagram and a 2's signature sin is pride, I will always need to keep the desire for humility in front of me. But hopefully, I have a better understanding of how to do that now that it has been my focus for 12 months.  Thankfully I have Jesus to look towards to show me what it looks like and as I fix my attention on Him, I can keep that fruit of the Spirit in the forefront of my mind and heart. And what we gaze on is what we become.

I have a confession to make. I had every good intention of reading Andrew Murray's classic book, Humility, this year but never did.  I would like to read it in 2015, kind of as a "refresher" and maybe that is how God intended it to be, so that I continue to live into my way home.

The deepest humility is the secret of the truest happiness, of a joy that nothing can destroy. 
Andrew Murray

Soul Rest

Humility, which involves losing our self-sufficiency, is a secret of soul rest because it does not presume to secure outcomes. On the other hand, pride is the root of disobedience. We think we are "big enough" to take our lives into our own hands and so we disobey what we know to be right. This distances us from God and forces us to live on our own. Soul rest becomes impossible. When living in the cradle of humility, we understand that God has a plan for our lives that goes far beyond anything we can work out. We simply rest in His life as He gives it to us. While resting in God, we can be free from all anxiety, which means deep soul rest.
Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart Daily Devotional pg 145

Humility frees us to live lightly and freely

To walk in My Light requires you pay more attention to your failure to love than to the pain you feel when others fail to love you. If you understand relational sin, confession will become a daily exercise. (because we are always sinning and it's easy to sin in this area, put my wants and needs first, not God's or others). When you confess your sins, I will not only forgive the relational failures you see, but I will also clean up everything you have yet to see that keeps you feeling at a distance from Me. Discouragement, when it drives you to Me in broken confession rather than away from Me in wounded pride, brings the realism of humility. You are never without sin. Whether you recognize it or not, there is never a moment when you relate as perfectly as My Son. One day you will! Until then, humility will free you to live in awe of my endless supply of grace. And then the worship that awe inspires, will release more of My Son''s life to flow out of you into others, even into those who have hurt you though never as badly as you have hurt Me.  
excerpt from 66 Love Letters by Larry Crabb   I John 1:10, 2:1-12

St Benedict's Ladder of Humility

"Humility" - the willingness to be known for who we are.

Step #8 - Transformation into the Love of God  Deut 6:5

Step #7 - Speaking Less  Psalms 46:10

Step #6 - Deeply Aware of Being "Chief of All Sinners" Isaiah 64:6

Step #5 - Radical Honesty to Others About Your Weaknesses/Faults James 5:16

Step #4 - Patience to Accept the Difficulty of Others 1 Thess 5:14

Step #3 - Willing to Subject Ourselves to the Direction of Others Heb 13:17

Step #2 - Doing God's Will (Not Your Own or Other People's) 2 Cor 5:9

Step #1 - Fear of God and Mindfulness of Him Eccl 12:13

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Prov 22:4 Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life. 

Matt 11:29-30 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and 

humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my

burden is light.

Phil 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others 

better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but 

also to the interests of others. 

1 Peter 5:5 Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of 

you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, God opposes the 

proud but gives grace to the humble.

True Humility

True Humility doesn't consist of thinking ill of yourself but of not thinking of yourself much differently from the way you'd be apt to think of anybody else. It is the capacity for being no more and no less pleased when you play your own hand well than when your opponents do.

from last year's journal:  author unknown

Humility is Shy

"I used to think that God's gifts were on shelves one above the other, and that the taller we grew in Christian character the easier we should reach them. I find now that God's gifts are on shelves one beneath the other, and that it is not a question of growing taller but of stooping lower, and that we have to go down, always down, to get His best gifts."  G. B. F. Hallock

"Humility isn't burden or humiliation of oppressive wight, but the only posture that can receive the wondrous grace-gifts of God - God who humbled Himself and came to the feed trough . .  The moment I try to grasp for humility, she's gone, Speak of humility, shine a light shaft on her, and she's shadow-gone in the dark. 'Humility is so shy,' writes Tim Keller. If I focus on humility, I look inward to assess if I'm sufficiently humble and in the very act, humility darts and I'm proud, self-focused. It doesn't work...The quiet song of gratitude, eucharisteo, lures humility out of the shadows because to receive a gift, the knees must bend humble and the hand must lie vulnerably open and the will must bow to accept whatever the Giver chooses to give. "

excerpt from  one thousand gifts devotional by Ann Voskamp

A Simpler Way to Live by Jan Johnson

One of my practices that I have found very life-giving is to read through my last year's journal and see what was going on in my life a year ago and how God was speaking to me, what He was saying. Often I find it to be as fresh a year later as it was that first day. Today was no exception, in fact, God used it to answer the cry of my heart on how to be more one with Jesus. I want to share the article in its entirety because it is so profound in its truth.....

A Simpler Way to Live

For a class I teach, my students get to read Jeremy Taylor’s 19 rules for humility. You may think:Rules? Ugh. Humility? Any shred of humility is near-miraculous, who wants rules?

I thought that at first, but then I looked at them in light of Andrew Murray’s idea that humility is being occupied with God instead of being occupied with self. That takes a lot of the confusion and burden out of humility. It now sounds logical and likeable. Maybe it’s even in my best interest. So to help my students (and myself), I rewrote them for today’s reader and added a prayer to each in italics. I’m soaking in them, which usually results in an organic, natural sort of obedience. Here are a few of my faves below:

I don’t think better of myself because of some outward circumstance that happens to me.
         I’m grateful to you, but I understand that I didn’t earn this.

Humility is not about criticizing myself, but about being realistic about myself.
         I have blind spots, and You and I are working on them.
          And there are many You have not yet revealed to me.

It’s OK that others are realistic about my faults.
          Others can see my blind spots--more easily than I do!

Doing good things in secret where no one else can see what I do is an adventure in being with God. 
          As I do those things, I will be grateful to partner with You. This can be fun!

When praise is given to me, I will rejoice that God is blessed.
          I am grateful to You that You use me well. I want You to be glorified most of all.

When I am slighted or undervalued, I will accept it instead of harboring resentment.
          I look only to You for love and value. I am learning to be content with whatever I have.

Listening to little whispers of pride about how well I’m doing will trip me up.
          I will stay preoccupied with You, O God.

I will enjoy actively praising others.
          It’s fun to see how well You work through people!

I can be content when others do well (even if I don’t).
          The goal is that You are praised, that the Kingdom is manifested and advanced.

I will stop comparing myself with others.
          Comparisons and judgments are silly and irrelevant.
          Only You know all the facts. I’m not omniscient so I don’t judge.

Confessing sin straightforwardly keeps me from harboring blind spots and playing games with deceit.
          Help me always to speak forth my mistaken words, actions and motives.

I can be thankful for weaknesses, faults and imperfections because they help me see that we are all human.
          My mistakes make me so much more merciful to others!

Exposing others’ weaknesses is not caring. And I don’t need to congratulate myself when I do things better than others.
          It’s not my role, O God, to point out others’ shortcomings.
          Besides the fact that I could be wrong, I’m judging and condemning,
          which is something only You do well.

Surrender to God involves enduring whatever comes, being content in any state and being ready for every change.
          The only way I can fully surrender is to lean on You every moment.
          Then I can persevere, return to a state of contentment, 
          and be flexible as the way ahead curves.

Living this way is easier and simpler. I stop sweating what other people think. I live to an Audience of One.

Grace and peace,
Jan Johnson

If you like what you read, you can subscribe to her monthly email at http://www.janjohnson.org/wisbits.html

Humility is knowing and appreciating yourself as you really are
 and knowing and appreciating God as He really is.

Less of Me

what if I let go my grasp

of all the things that raise me higher

what if I gave my life

as a gift

blessed and broken

for the poor of every kind

poor as I am inside

would there be less of me

would I become a nobody

or would I finally be

the best of what you had in mind

for me?

what if I crucified all my pride

and upward striving

put an end to dreams of fame

bigger things

and social climbing

made myself more teachable

reachable

invisible

would there be less of me

would I become a nobody

or would I finally be

the best of what you had in mind

for me?

one finger at a time

loosen my hold on the pride that I cling to

then walk me by the hand

lower and lower

down to the places You go

cause I need to go with You

wherever You take me to

what if I had seen the way

You endured humiliation

seen You go so deathly low

to secure my own salvation

how could I then live a lie

pretending I’m up here so high?

give me the heart to see

how You became a nobody

and showed me the way to be

the best of what You had in mind

the rest of what You had in mind

the best of what You had in mind for me

what if I

crucified

all my pride?

Song by Greg Ferguson

                                  It is not sin that humbles most, but grace. Andrew Murray

Day of Solitude at Glen Eyrie April 10, 2013

I started at The Wall....
Sitting outside in the 32 degree cold but sunny day, I took off my glove to turn off my timer on my i-pad to end my time of silence...and then couldn't find my glove anywhere...it seemed to disappear into thin air! I searched my clothes, my bag, under me, the ground in front of me...nothing, where could it be? Quickly feeling panicky inside, my mind told me I NEED that glove, to keep me warm, comfortable.... I stood up and walked around the bench and there it was on the ground behind the bench...how in the world did it wind up there, I wondered. Then I asked myself, "Notice how you felt and why?"  I quickly feel panicky when my comfort is disturbed...I crave comfort!
O Lord, what a great place to start my time of seeing where i try to manipulate my world, the false self of pleasure rears its ugly head and is just the beginning of revealing how i try to manage myself. Another awareness is this weekend I've been comparing, "I do that (pride)" or "I don't do THAT!" (self-righteousness and judging). "I've read that book" (Sower of the Seed, Wilderness Time). "I've already had a quiet time and read Jesus Calling." "I do that in my time at mini-retreats." What am I trying to prove and to whom? That I'm spiritual, more spiritual than others? To be perfectly honest with myself,  I confess I do feel that way a lot. I do not like the feeling that comes with that, how do I let that go? Or I have a great idea, thought, insight like about where to have the retreat next year, i like to give my input...is it to gain others esteem?  I look at the quote at the bottom of my journal page and it speaks to this in me: The goal isn't perfection, it's simply to be in an intimate relationship with Jesus each day.  By one sacrifice He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. Hebrews 10:14

Jesus, forgive me for being so self-focused, trying to prove my worth... I want to LET GO of that and just dwell in Your amazing Love for me so out of that place I can just BE, be who You intend and love others as You have loved me - HELP me!!!!

I walked to the Rose Garden...

Mark 8:22-26 Jesus, why did You lead the blind man out of the village to heal him, was it to have a private moment with You?

Yes, just like this private moment with you, My Eden, in this rose garden. You want to experience My love and know Me as intimately as a bridegroom tenderly and romantically knows His bride. Where better to woo you and desire you than in a rose garden? Just sit with me for a moment in the warmth of the sun/Son, in the quiet of My Presence and partake of Me, receive Me....

I see Jesus riding up to me on a white stallion as I am walking by myself toward the Rose Garden. He sweeps me off my feet and places me, oh so gently in front of Him on His horse as He wraps His warm strong arms around me and pulls me into Him. I see His strong, muscular arms holding me, arms that made the universe, arms that crated tables, chairs, homes. I feel incredibly safe. This is where I want to stay, always, so close I can feel His heart beating, beating for me! We get to the gate at the entrance to the garden and He dismounts and lifts me off and once again gently places me on solid ground. He opens the iron gate and invites me inside. I remember He IS the gate, inside to this holy place, the Holy of Holies where he wants to commune with me, only me. His eyes gaze deeply into mine...I feel tingly all over and it is as if He is seeing deeply into my soul. Tears spring to my eyes, I don't want Him to see that deeply into me, there is too much of my striving, false self that lives within. I turn away but He touches my shoulder and turns me back toward  Himself. I cannot look into His eyes and yet I can sense His loving gaze inviting mine to join His...and so I do.

He speaks into my heart...
How I adore you My love....

A deep gut-wrenching grief overwhelms me and my tears begin to flow....
I don't deserve You, Jesus. I so don't deserve You, You love, Your Presence...
He just listens, lovingly, knowingly, knowing how important it is for me to confess my sin, so He can forgive me, free me, cleanse me...
I try to find my worth in others affirmations of me, in what I do or know, even in boasting of my relationship with You (even if I only boast to myself in my mind).
I compare myself to others either priding myself how far along I am (conceit) or how less than another i am (deceit).
I strive to find my worth somewhere other than in You, my Lord, my Liege, why? Why do I seek anything outside of You?

He listens. He is silent and still, as am I. I drop to my knees before Him and bow my head in shame.

I see I am now at His Cross. He is before me, crucified, naked, ashamed, condemned, just as I am. Then, His blood drips on my head, flows down all over me, covering me completely...and He speaks to His Father .... Forgive her, she doesn't know what she has done...and even if she did, forgive her still....
And then He speaks to me....
Deitra, Eden, Hephzibah, I forgive you with all My heart. I gave My life for yours, THAT is how valuable you are...my lifeblood poured out on your behalf. The bread blessed and broken, the wine poured out...all for you. 

I look once again and now I see Jesus all in white and glowing, glorified. He's alive! He is resurrected from the dead. He invites me to resurrection as well...no words...just an inviting gaze into my eyes and straight to my soul. It is as if His laser focus is burning away the dross and going directly to my soul...and I know a deep knowing that I am healed, I am forgiven, washed whiter than snow, I am pure, cleansed, made new and I share a Oneness with the great I AM that cannot be described. It is as if in that moment of receiving His ultimate sacrifice for me that He enters in and we become ONE, bride and groom, an intimacy of body, soul, spirit and I am known to the core of my being...we become one essence. He lives in me, closer than my breath and I can rest forever in this truth, this intimacy, this oneness that completely fills me full and fulfills me. Right there, in the center of the Rose Garden.
I ask Him, "Was there a rose garden in Eden, my Love?"
Yes, My Delight, there was! And there is an even more beautiful one in Heaven and when you get there, That is where I will meet you.
And can there be some hydrangeas as well? You know how much I love blue!
Of course, He answers, more than you can even imagine!
I don't ever want to leave You, my Love, my Liege. I don't ever want to look anywhere else or to anyone else to know how loved I am but to You. To do so would be adultery.
Stay with me awhile then.... I am always with you. I never leave you. You just need to turn your eyes to Me and live in the present moment in My Presence to be with Me. Keep this picture in your heart so you can return to it/Me whenever you desire. Even though there are no roses blooming in this garden, when you sit with Me, I want you to think of My adoring, all consuming love for you whenever you smell any roses...literally and figuratively, meaning when you lively fully in the Present moment with Me. My sweet fragrance will alert you to My Presence with you.

And now Papa speaks to me:
You are My princess, the daughter of the Most High King. I created you for intimacy, oneness with My Son, the Prince. Therefore you are a double princess. born of royalty, born to be one with royalty to serve in My Kingdom, to serve My people. You do that so well My daughter. Do not let your self-focus get in the way of doing what I've called you to do. Go and sin no more....Keep your motives pure by keeping your eyes on Me, not on yourself or even on others. As you companion with My Son and His Spirit within you, you will walk resting, in a relaxed manner with Me, no longer needing the approval of others because You have Mine and that alone is enough. I am always enough for you. Others may speak into your life but I have the final say. Stay, dwell, abide in Me and My love for you.

Mark 8:26 Don't go back into the village on your way home.
Deitra, do not go back to your old thought patterns of comparison and  looking for approval as you companion with Me on your "way home" - walk more deeply the way of humility; I will show you how...when you have something exciting to share, a new insight or aha, share it first with Me! Delight in it with Me and let Me delight in it with you, affirm you in it. Only then will you know if and when to share it with another. It is not about never sharing. It is about your motive in sharing. If you find delight in Me with it first, you will quell the need to share from wrong motives, to find love and approval outside of Me. 

My Songline: Jesus, You First
My Lord, My Liege, My Love
You alone are my desire
Your love for me is as the roses scent
Wafting through my heart, my soul
You overcome me with Your grace
Your eyes penetrate with burning love for me
to the deepest part of my being
burning away the dross
making me pure
so I can experience the Oneness
You died to secure for me.
What other man....
would give everything He has
Speak with love in what He says?
Lay down His life to set me free
What other man would give His life for me?

Hidden Garden

I see my pride coming forth in wanting others to notice my spirituality or in comparing my level of spirituality to others (God, I hate to even admit that!). Forgive my pride in wanting to be accepted because i am so spiritual or have the correct perspective on things.  I don't want to live out of  this part of my false self. I want to be authentic with You about my doubts and disappointments. Pride show up in me as self-righteousness and hiding my real struggles from myself, God and others. Help me to be totally real with myself first and foremost and with You so I can be real with others.

Clouds can be a protection, from the intense burning rays of the sun that can make me hot or burn and blister my skin. Sometimes My mystery, your lack of understanding is how I protect your heart from further hurt. Faith is not certainty, but uncertainty and yet belief, not because you know the answers but because you know the One who does and thus you don't have to.  It is walking into the unknown with Me and trusting that you don't have to know because I do.

Practice Being Known
It's all about THE VIEW, isn't it? Yours....or Mine? Which will you choose? Will you give up yours so you can find Mine? Sometimes its as big as those huge red sandstone monoliths you see here in Colorado...other times it is My "hidden garden" like the one you see before you here at Glen Eyrie that you must search out to be with Me.

You are as a hidden garden, Eden, My Beauty....but I am asking you , inviting you to hide your beauty so that you may be all and do all only for the eyes of your Beloved, the One who longs for your entire desire and heart. Humility is your way home, so hiding your truthful insights from others behind My cloud of unknowing is one way to do that. I know you more than you know yourself...how often in a new group, you make yourself known and think it is about authenticity when really it is your false self yearning for acceptance and esteem when really you are just hiding your shame, your fear of unacceptability. But I love you just the same...love you so that your true self can shine forth to Me.

Lord, what does that look like? What are You inviting me into?

Like the short, spindly, dense, barren batch of trees in front of you, the deadness in you (false self, no life here) is twisted and vined, no life just barrenness, blocks your view of truth, you, Me.

I want to let that go...show me how...

By resting in me, being open to My gaze, letting go of the last vestiges of having to help, achieve, give the wise insight...silence, secrecy, valuing others above your self and finding your true worth in Me alone.
By being real with yourself about the negative and not just the positive. Don't rationalize or try to figure Me out - live My mystery in peace and in My Presence. Just BE. You are loved. You matter. You have so much to give the world and the hearts in it.

My response is by the grace of God, I am what I am.... I Cor. 15:10  I want to live fully into this. I am powerless to do so without You. I surrender my mental process, my desire for love, acceptance, value, affirmation and esteem outside of You. Purge out of me any dross that keeps me from wholeheartedly reflecting a pure image of You, God. Strip away my false self, help me die to my false self, create in me a clean heart O God. Renew my spirit with Your own!

"We must accept ourselves just as we are, if the Holy Spirit is to change us for the better."  Interior Freedom

written at LTML Facilitators Gathering April 8, 2013

let them go first

Humility is about trying not to act so much like a jerk, trying not to feel and act so entitled. We let other go first. How can something so simple be so profound, letting others go first...even if no one cares or notices? But you'll know. And it can change your whole day, which could be a way to change your whole life. There really is only today, although luckily that is also the eternal now.
(paraphrase from Anne Lamott's Help, Thanks, Wow from last year's journal)

Give it away....

Look at how Jesus handles power...He gives it away...empowering others! When the Pharisees see Jesus baptizing more than John, Jesus stops. When He heals people, He commissions his disciples to go and do likewise. "Now this is extraordinary, Jesus has absolutely  no need to be the center of attention. He sends his friends out to do the very thing He does; he gives them a major role in His campaign, in His Story (in history). You go do it. Do everything you see Me doing. This is humility and this is extraordinarily generous. Jesus is absolutely openhanded with His Kingdom. There is no need for the whole thing to be always about Him. He is absolutely delighted to share His Kingdom with us."

The light dawned as I read this scripture and even before John Eldredge spelled it out, I saw this is my way home...this is what God is inviting me into, this is how He wants me to be just like Jesus...empowering others to share what i do others so more can experience God. This is the way of humility.

quote from The Utter Relief of Holiness by John Eldredge, pp32

Where is your treasure?

Have you ever woken up from an unusual dream that stuck with you and you thought it might have some meaning hidden in it somewhere for you? That happens to me on occasion and on THIS occasion, I decided to ask God what it meant.

Here's the dream:

A handsome boy is sitting on a treasure chest at the bottom of a swimming pool filled with water, pondering. Someone from outside the pool, lights a fuse running from the treasure chest but it starts burning from the chest up and out of the water, instead of from the outside down. When the boy sees the fire running up the fuse, he realizes it's going to explode and kill him so he swims as hard as he can up to the surface and the second before it explodes, he rolls out of the pool. The dream ended here. I titled it: Sin kills from the Inside Out

Here's what I sensed God was saying to me through this dream:

Sin comes to tempt you from outside of yourself sometimes, but also it lives within and once it is triggered from outside, it ignites inside. It can kill not only you but all around you. Once you are aware of it, the best thing you can do is to extricate yourself from it as quickly as possible to avoid destruction.

I think because the book i'm reading on Lent is focusing on my sin, that is why i had this dream...to see the bigger, overall impact of sin on my life and others. I wonder what the boy was pondering while at the bottom of the pool? What should he do next? Maybe the dangers of sitting too close to sin and pondering, harboring it in your heart? And how dangerous that is, or something about making a decision to sin? He might have been pondering the treasures of his ministry (treasure chest= treasure, water=ministry in the dream world) and how easily he could have become prideful about his ministry which would have triggered  the fuse to ignite, which could very quickly explode his ministry and even himself.

I also thought about the verse that says, "Where your treasure is, there will you heart be also." Is what i do my treasure? Or Whom I serve? If it is what i do, that can so easily lead to pride and pride goes before a fall...pride puffs me up and then I could "explode."  What makes all the difference in this scenario is my focus. Is my focus on MY ministry and what I have accomplished or on what God has accomplished in me, through me.  

When I asked God what He wanted me to know for me personally from my dream, He's what i sensed in my spirit:

First of all, you need to recognize that even though I've given you a new heart, you still do sin. Confession is the key I've given you to unlock the treasure chest of your heart and let the sin out before it kills. The sarcasm you used the other day hurt your relationship with that person...and hurt your heart even more than theirs when you realized how it might have come across. You thought you were being funny, but it didn't translate that way. You didn't think you were a sarcastic person but just when you think "I'm not capable of THAT, or I would never say THAT," THAT is when the enemy sees a crack in your armor (hello pride!) and shoots his fiery dart. Your words can kill or heal so be intentional with them, using words of honor, respect and value always.

Be aware...when you sin, confess quickly to the person because that allows you to walk in humility instead of pride. And know you will sin because you have not yet entered Glory and been perfectly perfected. Do not let the enemy deceive you by looking at how you don't sin (like the Pharisee and the tax collector) thinking that because you don't do THAT sin, you DON'T sin. Remember when you judge others, that judgment lands right back on you. My principle of sowing and reaping works in the negative as well as the positive. 

The authorities found Jesus totally innocent and proclaimed His innocence to the people...and yet they still demanded His death. Mainly because the religious authorities thought they were correct in their judgment against Him. How often do i make the huge mistake of judging someone's motives incorrectly? Too often - forgive me Father.  Often I even judge You; whenever i don't believe what You've told me, promised me... I am just like the religious elite,thinking I'm better than You, or that i KNOW better than You, being self-righteous. Expose that in me, God, every time, so i can step away from my pride and kneel humbly at Your feet.

Humility is ...
...being content when change is impossible.
...knowing what you don't know.
...knowing that you don't know everything.
...living with what you don't like.
...enjoying what you can't explain...the hidden manna moments God gives to us every day.
...discovering what you can't discover...acknowledging the gap between you and God...He is infinite and we are finite...we will never fully understand His ways because His ways are not our ways...they are higher.
...accepting our limitations.
...knowing God is God and I am not Him.

excerpt from Living Waters article by David Jeremiah.

Falling Upward

Humility is the path of the Cross...first Jesus experience suffering and death, then resurrection and glorification. This is the way of life and peace...for us to first embrace death of our false self so that our true self can resurrection and we can live in the glory God originally meant for us, reflecting Him to our world. The way up is down..falling upwards so to speak... He must increase and I must decrease.  John 3:30

Pride is independence...humility is dependence on God.
Pride is an unwillingness to wait for God to act in His own time and in His own way.
Pride rushes in to take matters into its own hands when it appears that God is not working fast enough.
Pride is impatience.
Pride is wanting to be in control of our situations.

The Cross represents the death of all my own plans, all my own ideas, my own desires, my own hopes and dreams. It is most of all the absolute death of my own will. This is true humility. Humility is associated only with the Cross.

Philippians 2:8 He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross...doing the will of God who sent Him. John 4:34

One of the biggest traps for Christians is a good idea that is not God's mind...a good strategy that is not His... a well-conceived plan that is not His will for us. First we must die to our self-will in order to clearly hear God's will.

Humility is trusting God to do the right thing at the right time in the right way. It is trusting Him to use you in the right way at the right time.

Humility is patiently waiting on the Lord in a spirit of expectant faith.  God says, "You won't be sorry if you do it My way. Patience is doing a work in you. You are becoming strong by waiting in faith. Let patience do its perfect work in you. "

Colossians 1:10-11 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.

Humility is believing that God's intentions for you are deeply good, all the time.

Excerpt from The Awful Sin of Pride, David Wilkerson, Living Water Magazine Vol 19 #2 
with a few thoughts of my own interspersed.

I need You God....

Humility is the capacity first to submit yourself to God, then to submit yourself to the difficult circumstances of life.  A step to humility is: I can't handle this. This is too much for me. God I need You. Father I need your grace. I need your forgiveness. I need to learn through this. It's not easy for me... Humility is our realization of our insignificance apart from God.
from an article by James MacDonald

Pride is.....

Pride is when I try to do what only God can do...to think i am so capable that i can fix anything or anyone, so wise i can understand anything and everything. Pride is expressed when i try to go beyond the limitations God has given me.

See the best

Usually everyday i read my last year's journal to remind myself where i was spiritually last year and often get blessed all over again with what God was saying to me. Today was one of those days when i discovered another entry about humility....

(I was listing people i admire and what about their lives spoke to me. God's response was this....)
Yes, you do need to see people from My perspective and notice their true self & how uniquely I've made each. You tend to judge what you don't like...I'm asking you to LET GO of that because it only elevates your pride - see My best in each one and you will come home to Me on My path of humility, grateful for your friends and they will feel My love for them through you.

Help me Papa! I want this to be a part of who I am, my truest self...open my eyes to see Your good in all Ii encounter....

Confession leads to humility because it says i have sins, weaknesses, limits. Humility is willing to say i am wrong and might be wrong. Confession leads to a teachable heart (as does humility) which leads to intimacy in relationships... nothing standing between you and me.... me and God.  Humility is being willing to forgive and be forgiven.

Having "intentional wings" means this is what i intend, desire, hope to do even though I know I can't do this perfectly, or without failure or without the enabling of God BUT it IS my intention, my desire...to continue to walk toward humility, to continue to try and "put it on"... knowing there is a "desperate surrender, trusting the Lord to undertake for me, the goal is still the high place, but the gear feels lighter... inherent in my intended wing is my acknowledged inadequacy and my high desire...but what i learn and what i say will become more and more a  reality in my mind and heart and action."   excerpt and thoughts taken from Pursue the Intentional Life by Jean Fleming.

Humility is going God's way and surrendering mine to discover His and what is truly my way.
To be meek means to have softened what is rigid within, to be like the fertile soil that receives nourishment from the rain, allowing it to seep deep down into its substance.  Christine Valters Paintner

The type of humility that admits you are wrong when you know you are wrong is confession. The humility that admits you might be wrong when you are pretty sure you are right is maturity. Without both types of humility, we become rigid and unteachable. Without both types of humility, relationships flounder and implode. Adele Ahlberg Calhoun  Invitations from God

Humility
Meekness, gentleness, down to earth
Unassuming, deferring, lamb-likeness
Wild stallion under control
Forbearance

Humility shows up at Downton Abbey

As I've watched (and loved) Downton Abbey, one thing that has impressed me is the humility between Bates and Lord Grantham. They are both eager to quickly take the low place - Grantham apologizing when he's in the wrong, even though he is the Lord and Bates no defending himself when he has a right to. I want to be like them, their integrity/humility draws me. I pray i can remember their example the next time i am wrong or want to defend myself... hard places to find myself in but the silver lining is it is an opportunity to practice (to put on, clothe myself with...Colossians 3:12 ) humility, just as Bates is putting on Lord Grantham's dinner jacket.

Humility comes through self-awareness, facing ourselves and seeing our weaknesses, selfishness, failure in work and personal relationships, our unworthiness. Christian humility comes from setting our life beside the life of Christ and in the light of the demands of God. Recognizing our utter dependence on God. Praus is the Greek word for humility meaning always angry at the right time but never angry at the wrong time..... one who is stirred by indignation at the wrongs and sufferings of others but is never moved to anger by any personal wrongs or insults...meek. It also refers to an animal trained and domesticated until its every instinct and passion is under perfect control (of its Master).  Bearing insult and injury without bitterness and without complaint. (reminds me of Jesus on the Cross)...the spirit which can suffer unpleasant people with graciousness and fools without irritation.... perfect patience, forbearance.  (all of this came from William Barclay's commentary on Ephesians 4:1-3)

I sensed God's whisper to me saying.... to become your truest self, which is both your and My desire is the way of humility and thus that is your 2014 word and one in which I will reveal much and do much transforming work. My truth for you is "the more you devote yourself to Me, the more freely you will be able to love others as i have loved you." I want you to enjoy the adventure of 2014...of finding yourself through losing yourself in Me...it will be an exciting through sometimes difficult and expanding journey that we will walk together...intimacy will be the result. As you receive My unbounded love for you, you will be able to walk in humility and my love will overflow from your heart onto others, all you meet...fruitfulness as you abide, make your home in, remain in Me. Never despise our time together, thinking you need to get on to more "productive" work. This is your one necessary thing...from this all will flow.

Humility is my way home
Unbound to accept my limitations
More of Jesus, less of me
I AM
Love in its rarest, rawest form
Imperfections embraced
Thresholds opened to newness, depth of life
Yahweh...breathe him in and out

Crossing the Threshold: New Year, New Beginning

Every year i ask God for a word or phrase of the new year that i can focus on throughout the year as an area of growth for me. This year i pondered many words: bliss, patience, waiting, hope, pause, savor, hospitality. But as i asked God to confirm a word, He gave me HUMILITY.... my advent prayer had been "birth something new in me this season...something radical." This is the word that shimmered... the word humility has a depth to it that begs to be explored, entered into. Right off the top of my head, it means embracing my imperfections and limitations, recognizing my neediness and being honest about how much i need to rely on God and not "do it myself."  As a "2" on the enneagram my vice or signature sin is pride... my virtue or way home to my true self is humility...so this is a fit for me.

As i wondered more about the deeper meaning of this word, i found what William Barclay had to say in his commentary on Ephesians 4:1-3 insightful.
"Humility comes through self-awareness, facing ourselves and seeing our weaknesses, selfishness, failure in work and personal relationships, our unworthiness. Christian humility comes from setting our life beside the life of Christ and in the light of the demands of God. Recognizing our utter dependence on God. Praus is the Greek word: always angry at the right time but never angry at the wrong time. One who is stirred by indignation at the wrongs and sufferings of others but is never moved to anger by any personal wrongs or insults... meek. Additionally it means an animal trained and domesticated until its every instinct and passion is under perfect control (of its master.) { Like a wild stallion who is "broken" so that it now is able to be useful in service to its master at the slightest touch of his finger on the reigns. my thoughts}   

It also means bearing insult and injury without bitterness and without complaint. The spirit which can suffer unpleasant people with graciousness and fools without irritation. Perfect patience, forbearance.

Whoa... looks like God knows i need to work on this word because there isn't much of this in me presently. I know i will never be able to accomplish this on my own, it will take deep dependence on Him to yield to His molding of my character in this way. God help me!!!!